Coddling? Really?

5/11/2012

2 Comments

 
In a recent Google search I found a very interesting letter written by a missionary mom in Lehi. I could not find a date for this post (I think it may be quite old). In her post this missionary mom claims 6,000 missionaries return home early every year, 50% due to illness and 50% due to "coddling". Apparently you mothers out there are spoiling your sons. I'm not so sure I agree, but it's an interesting read, nonetheless. The only part I take issue is with her recommendation that every missionary who can't hack it should be enrolled in one of those wilderness retreats for troubled teens. I agree that missionaries who return early will face a great deal of emotional challenges and that you should watch for signs of depression, but I'm pretty sure a month or so in the desert with a bunch of teenage kids will only estrange your missionary even more. I give credit to this missionary mom for trying to help; however, it's obvious her missionary didn't come home early or I think her letter would be somewhat different. Would she have admitted that she coddled her own missionary too much?
2 Comments
Ella
8/2/2012 10:11:11 am

I've read that article, the lady who wrote it is not just a missionary mom, she's the mother of all email lists, for thousands of missionary moms with sons and daughters in every mission out there. She's very involved, but I do bet that letter was written at least 10 years ago. Her youngest son is about to leave on a mission here shortly.


Depression is big, and it's harder to spot than a physical illness or injury. I think a missionary who comes home because he can't "hack it" is the last group in the church that's it's ok to look down on, if that makes sense. If it's a kid who never went, who was a rebellious teen, who smokes and drinks and has tattoos and piercings..we should love them back into the church. We respect everyone despite their sexual orientation, race, weight, career choice, if they work on Sunday. But a kid from a good family who went to Seminary, baptized at 8 by his dad, who is a returned missionary, sure as heck "should" be able to complete a mission. If he doesn't, he must be flawed in a way that it seems like maybe it's OK if you get to think less of them. And sadly, I'm sure they think less of themselves too.

There is Jef with one f who was just won and became engaged to "the Bachelorette." He went on a mission, his parents are current mission presidents, but now he chooses to be inactive, drink, and not go to church. But he still gets to enjoy the respect and status of RM.

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Michael
10/10/2012 07:10:00 pm

I couldn't agree with you more about your response to this coddling article. This lady has certainly not had a missionary return home early. Ella I also enjoyed your comments as well. Let me share with you a little inside knowledge and trust me I would know. I was medically released two months into my mission for mental/emotional health issues. I had gone to college before my mission and I prepared myself for two years to be able to serve. I left at 21 perfectly worthy, spiritually prepared, but unfortunately not psychologically prepared. I went out there and i fought and fought. But it got to the point that singing church hymns 24/7 was not going to help me bear it. My mission president recommended to the area presidency that i return home for treatment. It was the hardest thing that I have ever dealt with in my life. So many of my closet friends looked at me as if i had two heads when telling them the situation. In fact my good friend told me that his dad called me a weenie for being home, this man being a family friend of ours for many years. I can't agree with you more that sending your son to a wilderness re treatment for teens would certainly not help, and in some cases be devastating. You must keep in mind that some of these missionary's coming home, especially those with mental/emotional health problems, "or the kids who just couldn't hack it", will be still suffering from mental health problems, particularly PTSD. Which stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Studies have been done that show this to be true, I know that in my own experience I certainly did. I was lucky though because my family was very supportive and my bishop and stake president were extremely supportive as well. If I had the lady that was the author of the coddling article as my mother, there is good chance that upon returning home and being under the tremendous stress I would have been much worse off. My recovery is due to my supportive family, supportive priesthood leaders, and supportive psychologist. I cant even imagine coming home to a mother who would have sent me to a wilderness camp. I could have taken my life, and I'm serious it can be that bad for some of these boys. Even more so in Utah for crying out load. It wasn't until months after being home that I became more stable. Just watch your son closely. He could be under tremendous emotional pressure and don't hesitate to get him help if you feel he needs it. Coming home early from a mission is amazingly had for any reason. To be honest your son probably did the right thing for coming home. At least he didn't hide his sins his whole mission like some of my friends did. Just love him as much as you can. You seem worried that he will never find a good LDS girl. Even though it seems that mine and your sons experiences are different. I still carry the stigma of people not buying mental reasons as a legitimate excuse for being home. I had one man tell me to stay away from his daughter and I'm sure there are many people who would think the same if your son came around their daughter also. Let me just share with you something interesting. Upon returning home my bishop told me that my experience was going to separate out all of the dumb girls in my life. And it's the exact same for your son I promise. There are so many missionary's out there that just go through the motions. If your son didn't feel like he should be out there, then smart girls will understand that. He'll find a girl one day that admires him because he chose to deal with the stigma and clear up his sins in the right way. The fact that he admitted his mistakes and chose to be honest with himself and everybody else will make him a better husband. He will certainly marry a wonderful girl, and she wont be one that's brainwashed. It's my hope that your son will marry a far more intelligent eternal companion due to his experience. Just keep hope and realize that the world is not over. No offense but due to some of your articles above you should maybe go talk to lds social services yourself.

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